Welcome again to our collection Rembert Explains. Occasionally, 28-year-old Rembert Browne will watch a video from the previous. Rembert will write down his ideas as he’s watching the video, then we’ll put up these ideas right here. This week is the ultimate installment, chosen by Rembert Browne: “Unleash the Dragon” by Sisqo, from the 12 months 1999. If in case you have an concept for a future episode of Rembert Explains, it’s sadly too late.
(This isn’t the primary time I’ve written about this video on Grantland. In one of many early YouTube Corridor of Fame posts [date: October 26, 2011], this was my blurb decide for “The Worst Music Movies of All Time.” Feels proper to go lengthy on it, 4 full years later.)
0:02 This video is already costlier than it ought to be. Two seconds in, there has already been the sound of a helicopter, an aerial shot, and an precise crowd.
0:08 Why did all of those individuals present up for this video? I’ve by no means seen so many individuals make such a nasty determination on the identical time.
0:11 It’s so upsetting that as a substitute of simply doing a music video they tried to make this right into a “film.” That is what occurs when you’ve the “Thong Tune” after which get the inexperienced mild to launch extra singles that had been by no means purported to be singles. Releasing “Unleash the Dragon” after “Thong Tune” is like getting good at soccer after which simply assuming you’d robotically be good at poetry.
0:19 Sure, this can be a barricade and information crew, for Sisqo. A LOCAL NEWS CREW.
0:22 What a time.
I need to be very clear about one thing: I like Sisqo. He was the lead singer of one of the vital underrated R&B teams of all time, Dru Hill. Each time I watch the video to “5 Steps,” I cry, particularly when THAT DOVE COMES OUT AT THE END AND THEN SISQO KNEELS — LORD LORD LORD.
However this track is inexcusable. And this video completely takes it excessive, within the sense that perhaps he (and everybody concerned) ought to have gone to jail as quickly because it was completed.
0:25 Individuals actually introduced flags to this Sisqo block get together prefer it was Glastonbury. Unreal.
0:27 I haven’t seen this video in years, so there are going to be fairly a couple of Sisqo realities that I forgot existed. Just like the chain.
Additionally, WHY THE UNDERSCORE AFTER “DRAGON”? I’m already getting pissed off.
0:28 Simply as a reminder, it’s virtually been half a minute and there has not been any music. Additionally, why are human beings serving to Sisqo placed on his jackets like he’s Jed Bartlet or one thing?
0:29 Think about being the recipient of sun shades from Sisqo and him not even taking a look at you. Simply completely disrespectful.
0:37 Sisqo lastly sang one thing — “the dragon” — in Sisqovoce. Additionally, he spun a microphone round his finger, which I can’t make a GIF of as a result of it’ll give me a pc virus.
0:38 It’s at this level in music historical past that Sisqo begins one among our greatest buildups after which instantly lets down humanity like we’ve not often ever seen. He hits us with the spoken phrase:
What I’m about to do
I’m certain no one anticipated
However that’s what I do
Y’all know me
I’m about to launch the dragon
Uh, uh, come on
0:55 After which the drop:
Right here I come
N----s maintain me again
Nothing is funnier than this. I’m sorry. Nothing. I’ve by no means seen somebody be much less intimidating of their most intimidating life second than what Sisqo does proper right here. He misplaced the battle earlier than the minute mark, and there are nonetheless six extra minutes.
HERE I COME. N----S HOLD ME BACK — I NEED OXYGEN.
Among the finest elements is the group response. They find it irresistible. “GO SISQO WE LOVE YOU” they’re most likely screaming as he berates them with HERE I COME / N----S HOLD ME BACK.
1:02 I really feel like that is undoubtedly Ben Carson’s go-to track in karaoke.
1:03 He has extra lyrics. And never a single one ought to be ignored.
Uninterested in holdin’ again
I’m about to let the drag’ assault
It’s an excessive amount of. Enjoyable reality: The “Unleash the Dragon” video is the prequel to Pink Tails.
1:10 One of many notes I made in that 2011 blurb about “Unleash the Dragon” was concerning the possible plan main as much as writing the lyrics: “Sisqo ought to say the N-word greater than 70 occasions.” Via 70 seconds, he’s very a lot on tempo:
Bugged out n----s
Thugged out n----s
I don’t actually care
You all my n----s
And wouldn’t it, the group loves it. Nevertheless it’s virtually as if he needs the group to take him extra significantly, however they’re not — PERHAPS CAUSING ANGER THAT MIGHT, IN TURN, CAUSE HIM TO UNLEASH THE DRAGON.
1:11 In case anybody was questioning what report label Sisqo was on on the time:
Yep, the reply is, in truth, Def Soul.
1:16 Sisqo has made it to the refrain, however he’s nonetheless so severe. And he’s on his balcony, along with his Pink Tails dancers, singing and dancing, begging the group to take him significantly. However they gained’t; the group is simply smiling and cheering from beneath. He’s assuring them, “Y’all n----s gon’ make me / unleash the dragon.” However they’re not listening. Then he’s all, “I do know you don’t actually wanna / unleash the dragon.” However nonetheless, they’re simply so gleeful, completely happy to be at a Sisqo live performance. However what they don’t know — a indisputable fact that Sisqo clearly is aware of — is that that is greater than any regular live performance. The stakes are at an all-time excessive.
1:18 The bottom begins to shake, inflicting everybody to turn into a really unhealthy actor.
1:28 The sudden quakes are getting so unhealthy that Sisqo stops singing. Not dancing, nevertheless, as he and the Pink Tails would by no means decelerate. Nobody can actually know, however I really feel as if the seismic disturbances are barely related to this dragon Sisqo retains speaking about.
1:47 Round this level of the track/video, it will get unnecessarily unhealthy. It’s the purpose when the video absolutely takes over the track; the commotion of the scene is 3 times louder than the lyrics and the music, which is enhanced solely as a result of Sisqo is barely singing anymore — since, , this video is actual and all.
1:56 That is so unhealthy. Sisqo goes three seconds with out singing, after which simply screams “OH NA NA NA.” How did this occur. How the hell did this occur?
This might be unhealthy. Additionally, many of the crowd has been launched to the bottom by what the newscaster with the slicked-back hair is looking “an earthquake.” However I’ve a sense Sisqo is the one one who’s considering, Wait, this may not be an earthquake, by which case I actually might need to unleash the dragon.
2:08 BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE.
THAT’S A DRAGON, LADIES AND GENTS.
3:10 A full minute goes by of this dragon simply destroying everybody on one metropolis block, stepping on vehicles and punching buildings whereas numerous terrified individuals say, “OH SHIT.” The place’s Sisqo? Very unclear. Is that this nonetheless a Sisqo video? Very unclear. Is there any music left? Very unclear.
3:12 The one factor extra puzzling than a dragon?
Tatyana Ali. Don’t attempt to make sense of it. Simply settle for what has occurred. Tatyana Ali is about to be the damsel in misery for Dragon Sisqo on this seven-minute film that might have been a Vine.
3:26 Oh, hello, Sisqo, how good of you to hitch us in your personal music video — NOW MIGHT BE A NICE TIME TO UNLEASH THE DRAGON, BRUH.
3:40 What occurs after Sisqo sees Tatyana down by the dragon is the dumbest factor I’ve ever seen. First, Sisqo yells “HEY!” on the dragon as if he’s in Newsies and it’s like c’mon, son.
After this dragon-unleash of a scare tactic, the dragon appears to be like proper at him and Sisqo says, “What do you suppose you’re doing, scaring individuals, stepping on vehicles?”
The dragon breaths on him, launching Sisqo again to the doorway, after which out of nowhere the music begins once more and he simply sings “OH NA NA NA.” It’s virtually as if this had been achieved in a single take, no script, and everybody had simply been molly-waterboarded.
3:46 “I do know you don’t actually wanna” —Sisqo, coated in dragon saliva, to the dragon.
4:11 This dragon, clearly very post-Sisqo, begins to begin swinging at him, just like the gnat that he’s. Fortunately for Sisqo, he’s actually good at entrance flips.
4:41 The subsequent 30 seconds are actually darkish, even by “Unleash the Dragon” requirements. In spite of everything of this, that they had the nerve to unleash two rap verses by two rappers whom I refuse to search for, each of whom are carrying snakeskin outfits wrapped in turkey bacon.
And for these of you who’re involved with the dragon-tearing-up-the-city plot, sure, this verse is happening in a room that the dragon simply destroyed. And no, they don’t seem to be involved for his or her security, as a result of the room assuredly has Cristal.
5:00 Right here is your five-minutes-in Sisqo-in–The Matrix replace, for anybody nonetheless sick sufficient to be studying this:
That is additionally the second after I notice that is the best video of its time. It’s like seven completely different nightmares stitched collectively, delivered to you by the infinite budgets of the late ’90s.
5:20 Sisqo’s doing flips and avoiding being killed by the dragon, however I additionally simply remembered that Sisqo has that stomach tattoo. Simply didn’t need to depart that out.
Additionally, Sisqo is getting his little ASS kicked, however doing it in model.
That shot alone price greater than Whiplash.
6:00 If you happen to hadn’t guessed, Sisqo finally ends up defeating the true dragon by unleashing his internal dragon. What, precisely, is his internal dragon? Dancing the dragon to dying.
First he does his heroic strikes:
After which he places on his shades (this time, on his personal).
After which he runs beneath the dragon, inflicting it to fall in an alley, the tip.
Sure, that’s how he defeats the dragon and saves the world. Like each first-level boss of a online game, he simply confuses it and it dies. Wow, some dragon Sisqo has inside. Good factor he’s so intelligent when his black outfit turns pink and he turns into the dragon, out-dragoning an precise dragon. Thank god for Sisqo.
6:33 What Sisqo does subsequent … simply sit down earlier than you learn the subsequent line. It’s really an excessive amount of, the nerve he has at this second.
“SISQO. N---- WHAT” —DRAGON SISQO TO THE DEAD DRAGON.
There’s a bit bit extra within the video, however it’s primarily simply Sisqo calling different dragons “n----s.” I’m so glad this horrible track and this horrible video occurred. With out it, a 3rd of my lifetime tears by no means would have left my eyes. Thanks, Sisqo, for repeatedly carrying me to the gates of Valhalla each time I push play on this murals.